Here's a little background: I grew up a chubby kid. I liked to play outside, but I liked television and cookie dough even more. When I was 12, I did Weight Watchers for a little while with my mom but it never made sense-especially since I didn't have control over my food most of the time. I was fed by my parents and school lunches. My sisters had no problems with their weight-being very young and active-so the mountains of Little Debbie cakes in the pantry were for them and at 12 it was a pretty big dare to not expect me to want to tear apart the box of nutty bars.
My senior year I did the no-carb diet and it was actually pretty effective. I did lose some weight but I still wasn't toned and I still had no concept of a healthy lifestyle. And yes, the weight came back.
When I moved to New York City I started walking everywhere. This helped, too. My eating habits still sucked but at least I was getting some exercise. When I moved back to Omaha in 2004, the walking ceased and the weight came back even harder.
In 2008, I was probably the biggest I remember being. I wasn't terribly unhealthy but I didn't feel great. I wanted to wear cute clothes and feel sexy. I had a boyfriend (now my husband) and he liked me just fine but we all know that the opinions of others can't help us like ourselves.
Well at the end of that year I got engaged and that was what did the trick. I started seeing a trainer. I learned the right way to eat, the best exercises to do and by my wedding in the fall of 2009, I had lost 30 pounds and was in the best shape I literally had been in my whole life. I was wearing cute little shorts and swim suits without feeling self-conscious. Talk about self esteem.
Me looking good on my Honeymoon. Yes, we went to Italy. Yes, I'm bragging. It was awesome.
Now, so you don't think I'm shallow, I also build my self esteem through career success and accomplishments.I slowly put a little weight back on-not much-just about 5 lbs which is normal when you stabilize after a big loss. But then 2 years later I got a job in Norfolk. Here, there aren't alot of choices for healthy food if you want to eat out. My work schedule kept me busy, I had lots of lunch meetings, I drank wine alot with the few friends I made and in a year I realized that 20 lbs had come back.
My clothes didn't fit me anymore. I felt tired. It all felt awful. But the weird thing was that I wasn't eating unhealthy and I stayed active. And now, because I have healthy eating and exercise habits I have to be EXTREMELY strict to start losing again.
So, "everything in moderation"and "don't weigh yourself" have no place in my day to day. The even harder thing is what people think about you when you turn down fatty food and say you're watching what you eat. The line of "you don't need to lose weight" is well-meaning but so infuriating! I now say "I'm in training". People are impressed by that, I think.
The truth is, I'm not fat. I am a normal size. But the feeling I had when I was so fit and could wear those great clothes haunts me. I want to be able to do the 5K with relative ease again. And so I struggle-not unlike a million other women and men do-with my body everyday.
How do you deal with your body image? What do you find to be the hardest part and what do people not understand about it?
it is more then just love, but the love that goes beyond having a significant other and finding love in all that one may do. The songs for this tape are inspired by movies and those feelings of "ahhh" as an accomplishment is completed it is the HAPPY NOT SAPPY version of it all. And like always, these songs are in no particular order....
